Rapport

So it's pronounced "rappore" kind of like the "report" in the "Colbert Report" :-). Silliness aside, you've probably heard of rapport. But most people probably don't appreciate how powerful of a leadership tool that it can be.

I would actually put two of the Dale Carnegie "Golden Rules" as precursors to being able to build rapport. #4 "Become Genuinely Interested in Other People" and #8 "Talk in Terms of the Other Person's Interests". Essentially rapport is all about building that connected feeling with other people. This is that feeling of "knowing someone for years" even though you may have just met them 15 minutes ago. There are many many components that go into the process of building rapport, e.g., body language, physical appearance, tone of voice, environment... and there literally shelves of books devoted to each of these topics that you can find at your local library. (You have been Sharpening the Saw lately right?)

Anyway, some people are naturally talented at building rapport. If you have read the recently popular book The Tipping Point you may remember the story about Paul Revere. The author, Malcolm Gladwell, calls Revere a "super connector", because he was a master at building the important relationships with people (and that why he was able to rally colonial forces during his famous midnight ride). Another, modern day example of someone very skilled with building rapport would be former president Bill Clinton. Politics aside, people again and again say that whenever they are speaking with the former president, they feel as though it is an intimate conversation between old friends, even if it is just 30 seconds at a huge charity dinner or political rally. He's just that good at making people feel comfortable and at ease.

You probably use rapport to some extent everyday, and for the most part without realizing it. That's why happiness is contagious and sometimes when you're in a bad mood you're best friend who you always hang out with might say "I'm mad at something... but I don't know what." Human beings are social creatures and we tend to pick up on these subconscious feelings. But it goes even further than that.

So how can we use rapport to help us become better leaders? Well essentially using rapport as a tool involves using the two Dale Carnegie rules I listed above. You need to first "get inside their head". I don't mean this as playing psycho-analyst, but instead figuring out what kind of basic emotional state they are in. The simplest way would be looking at the person's face. Is he or she smiling or frowning, has a tense expression or looks relaxed, is looking intently into your eyes or drifting out into space? These are all keys to understanding. However, one of the most effective tools for building rapport is mimicking (Tony Robbins). By taking on the physical characteristics of a person, facial expression, posture, breathing pattern, tone of voice... you can almost instantaneously "feel" the other person's state of mind.

This leads into the next step of using rapport as a tool for leadership. After you have successfully (and tastefully) mimicked the other person something will turn on in the other person's head and say "I like this person, he or she understands me and is like me". And at this point the other person will be much more receptive to hearing your ideas.

NOTE: Some may call this "manipulative", however if you look back at Rule #4 "Become Genuinely Interested in Other People" the key word here is "genuinely". Now this is a paradigm that needs to be made clear. If you can get to the point where you truly believe and realize that every single human being has valuable experience or knowledge or qualities
that you can learn and benefit from, then you will "Seek first to understand and then to be understood." And because of this respect and understanding of the other person, you are going to want to share with them your knowledge, experience, and qualities for them to learn and benefit from. This is where rapport comes in. Rapport is the tool for building understanding along the two way street of communication.

So why not try using rapport with your friends, you'll probably discover an even strong and deeper friendship. Until next time.

-Jason