The Power of Appreciation

So this is advice that your mother probably gave you when you went over to your best friend's house way back in kindergarten "Remember your pleases and thank-yous". Unfortunately too few people follow this advice after they've "grown up" and become an adult.

Now I don't mean the gratuitous, "Hey Bob, please do this for me, OK? Thanks," and walk away routine. This is a terrible habit that many people have gotten into. Now a days, people will play passive aggressive games by adding a "thanks" to the end of any request. This totally defeats the spirit of appreciation.

Now let's start from the beginning. One of the most basic of all human needs is the need to be appreciated. You know it and I know it. We all want to feel as though we are valued, and that our efforts have been worthwhile.

Just the past weekend, I went back up to school, just expecting to enjoy a performance by NBC's Last Comic Standing, Dat Phan. However, during the introductions there was a brief awards ceremony where I received an award for my work with the Asian Pacific American Caucus in helping make Introduction to Asian American Studies a permanent course. I was really touched by the gesture and didn't really know what to say. I had done this simply because it was something that I believed in. I didn't "need" to receive the award, but now I feel much more motivated to continue doing more of the same things. (I'm not a psychology major, but I think this all has to do with something like rewards and punishments... and it works).

On the other hand, I have all too often felt under-appreciated by those who call themselves "leaders". How many times have you had something "dumped" on you like the situation above? (These also usually include impossible deadlines, such as "yesterday"). How do you think you would feel if you had other work to do, plans for the evening, a throbbing headache, and your boss comes to your cube asking, "How long will it take for you to do this?" You respond, "Two hours". To which he or she responds, "I need it for my meeting in half an hour... please get it done... oh yeah and I'll try to remember to finish your performance review by sometime next week... thanks." Yeah, not such a great feeling.

How about if instead of that, your boss came to your cube and asked "Hi, how are you doing?" You respond, "Not too bad, just pretty busy finishing up this analysis for the big project we're working on." He or she asks, "So hey, I was wondering if you could do me a big favor. How long do you think it would take for you to do this... I need it for my meeting in half an hour?" You think for a moment and say, "Gee boss, I don't think I could get all of that done by then... it might take me an hour and a half... maybe an hour if I really rush."
"Oh, really... hmmm... well how about if I try to get you these numbers and we don't worry about making these graphs..." you boss offers. Encouraged, you say, "Yeah, I think we can get this done, I'll ask Sally to help me this one part and I think we can get it all figured out." "Thanks Bob, you're a real lifesaver! I'll be sure to add an extra positive note in your performance review for next week!"

So let me break this down for you. In the end, maybe this boils down to Habit #5 "Seek first to understand then to be understood." In the first situation, the boss did not try to understand Bob's abilities or the other situational factors, he didn't seem to care. However, in the second situation, the boss made the effort to understand everything, and had the flexibility to make it happen.

So, I want to thank all of you for reading, and please leave me any feedback in the comments section. I hope you all come back soon!

-Jason